[custom_adv] Ziba Boroofeh (1976), actress is a graduate of Judicial Law and made her debut in ‘Night of the Fox’ (1996), directed by Homayoon As’adiyan. Despite being a well-known screen actress, she is mostly considered a TV star. ‘Mani and Neda’ (2000) is her first major work in cinema; however, Khosro Masoomi’s ‘Wings to Fly’ (2000) is considered her impressive film appearance. [custom_adv] Soon after the death, you need to chat everything through with the funeral people. It's an important, though brief, relationship and if you don't like the company once you meet them, you can change. [custom_adv] I did this once. I was terrified that it would be complicated – like changing schools mid-term because you fancy a different headmaster – but actually it was really easy. They moved the body without any fuss, handed over the paperwork, and no one shouted at me for changing my mind. [custom_adv] The first meeting with the funeral director takes for ever, ticking off the first 100 of those 1,000 decisions. Where do you want the service, what time should it be, how many cars, cremation or burial, pine or oak, chrome handles or gold-painted ones, live music or taped, will anyone be visiting the body, do you want the corpse to have makeup, etc etc and then etc and etc – and you have to make up the answers on the spot, as though you had an opinion. [custom_adv] All this at a time when you may well be feeling that your world has ended and you no longer actually exist. [custom_adv] What I didn't know the first time was that if you ask, they will often come and do The Big Questions Chat in your own house. This is about 200 times nicer than doing it in their office. You can drink your own tea. [custom_adv] Sit in your own chair. It helps a bit.This invariably becomes the emotional focus of the week. It needs to be a collective effort and is probably the moment when family tensions emerge in that lovely dysfunctional way that only a close death can inspire. [custom_adv] It is important to reconcile yourself to a little compromise … If the only things you don't like are the typeface and one of the hymns, it's a big win. For my dad, we had a few jokes (the front page said: "Clement Freud. [custom_adv] For my mother-in-law, we had photographs. For my father-in-law, we kept it formal. For my hippie friend, it was a party on a page. Whatever you do, the congregation is going to be staring at it for the best part of an hour, so make it special. [custom_adv] And whoever ends up delivering the eulogy needs more love and support than you can possibly imagine. It's a massive and terrifying job – summing up an entire existence in five minutes while standing next to a dead person in a box. [custom_adv] Comfort food and beer and wine and memories. Strangely, it can be a very good night – like a team bonding before facing a big match the next day. [custom_adv] The service is over, the words are spoken, the tears are shed, the songs are sung … Nobody wants complicated food when their heads are already complicated enough with grieving. You want nursery food and lots of cups of tea. [custom_adv] Whatever happens, don't do the catering alone. Ask some of the funeral guests to come two hours early and help you make the spread – it will probably be the best bit of the day. [custom_adv] This fulfils the crucial function of giving guests something/anything to talk about. I found about 50 shots of my father-in-law on my computer after he died, and I was sent more by the guests coming to the funeral. We printed them all super-size on A4 paper and Blu-Tacked them on to every bit of wall we could find – reminders of so much happiness in so many places and the same "photo smile" in each.