[custom_adv] There’s crying, and the Venevisión song. Has this show always been like this? One of the older Caracas Chronicles collaborators, I won’t say his name (but it rhymes with “Abdul Folk”), said that Joaquín Riviera would have never allowed this train wreck to happen. I don’t know who Mr. Riviera was, but I just watched a cheap, devalued, version of something that I probably would have made fun of, but respected out of tradition. [custom_adv] Miss Venezuela is promoted as “the year’s most anticipated television event.” I can’t find the escapism through the crackhead production values. [custom_adv] After it was (thankfully) over, I was left with many questions. What are the ratings like? Are the ads the only way to keep this going? And once they declare a winner, does she become a promoter for products that have disappeared from the shelves? [custom_adv] I don’t think the Miss Venezuela pageant was always this crappy. It wouldn’t have lasted 65 years. [custom_adv] Alright, the time to pick the winner is close. The stage turns yellow and the Pantene logo flashes huge in the background, but first we have more baranda time: commercials. [custom_adv] I can’t watch another fun fact about the Miss Venezuela, or another makeup ad. In a section, they talk about the achievements of previous contestants: marrying famous men. [custom_adv] The guys who just sang lip synched turn out to be Sixto Rein and Juan Miguel. I have no idea who they are. They ask the audience to visit their YouTube channels, and talk about their musical projects. Self-promotion, really? [custom_adv] I mean, this is el Miss Venezuela, all those space girls are back there waiting for the trials, you are supposed to introduce them. Not the other way around. [custom_adv] I’m clueless about this; I’ve never watched a Miss Venezuela before. I’m only doing this for research purposes. This was not my choice. I know this is one of the biggest TV shows of the year, an event for the whole family, but that’s it. [custom_adv] This studio is crazy small. The audience sits close to the stage (really close), and the back is half-covered with white drapes, like a shitty quinceañera. I’m told this shindig used to be held in El Poliedro. I guess they use that larger venue for other pressing matters these days… [custom_adv] After the first group finishes, the host makes sure to name the swimsuit designers, with their Instagram accounts displayed on screen. One big ad, I’m telling you. [custom_adv] Now it’s time for the traje de gala event, but Miss Venezuela 2016 parades first in a blue dress, with an ad in the background for feminine hygiene products. I’m told girls can’t find those in stores anymore. [GARD